Insanity
by Alex Ashnight
Summary: Well, can't say this is going to be a normal series of adventures. Jim and the crew of the Enterprise end up in some pretty odd situations and while some just go with the flow, others question their sanity of staying on that God-forsaken ship. Most of this just comes outta nowhere, FYI.


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing!

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1.) Bananas

It had been a normal, peaceful week for the crew of the _Enterprise_. Bones was finally able to finish his reports after some crazy prank gone wrong. Not surprising considering the prank was on Uhura, who kicked major ass. Honestly, people getting their asses handed to them by the victim should probably set an example for everyone else. Unfortunately he has to treat freaking dumbasses for broken bones and bleeding noses.

Aside from the pranks, everything has been quiet on the ship for at least two weeks which meant that at any moment shit could hit the fan and Jim Kirk would probably be bleeding on his table at any moment. That was the routine. It wasn't normal if Jim wasn't about to die. Although it was a welcome retreat from having his hands buried wrist deep in the Captain's chest cavity for more than a few hours.

Thus he wasn't at all surprised when he left the medbay and found the halls in general chaos. What he wasn't expecting was the cause of the cause of the chaos.

Bananas.

The banans were being thrown and slipped on there was so much. The halls and everyone in them were covered in banana. There was not one person or inch of the halls that wasn't covered in the yellow fruit. People were setting them on the ground and stomping on them, there were people who were taking the opportunity to slide on the floor and there were people actually fighting with the bananas. The moment the medbay doors opened Bones got a face-full of the stuff. The person responsible for throwing the now mushy banana instantly feared for his life.

When the person responsible for patching you up after a fatal catastrophe had a temper as bad as Dr. McCoy's, you should definitely fear for you life and pray to God you wouldn't have to be sent to medical for the rest of your life. Unfortunately they were on a 5 year mission and only in their second year, on a starship that tends to draw the most life-threatening, rediculous and stressful situations more than any other starship in the Fleet. So when the Doctor wiped off his face and motioned you to go over to him you better listen or risk even more cause for revenge in the form of a hypospray or some other nasty medical procedure.

"What the hell is goin on?" The Doctor asked in a growl.

"Um...t-the...th-there was-s a...an...there wa-as...there was a stock of ol-d ban-anas, s-sir." The man stuttered.

It was times like these Bones was thankful for his rank and ability to strike fear in a majority of the crew.

"And whose idea was it to start a food-fight with the bananas?"

"The Captain, s-sir."

"Dammit Jim!"

Jim was dead meat when Bones got his hands on him. He was going to hypo the blond's ass to a coma and vaccinate him with as many vaccines as there was sucknesses. The Doctor started to leave to the bridge where the Captain was likely still sitting at when he stopped, turned around and faced the momentarily relieved ensign.

"Oh I almost forgot." Bones said nonchalantly raching into his pocket. "This is for the banana."

The Doctor then proceeded to stab the ensign with a hypo that after it was emptied, left the ensign to fall to the ground unconscious. Bones let out a small grin before remembering he had to kill his Captain. Once on the bridge a good half an hour later due to being pelted with banana-poo and slipping in it, Bones entered the bridge to see Jim and everyone else of the Alpha shift bridge crew having their own banana fight. Unfortunatley the minute the Doctor stepped out of the turbolife he was tackled to the ground by a crazy-ass Sulu who then proceeded to smash banana in his face.

"HAHAHA! I got ya you mother fucker!" Sulu shouted and proceeded to smash banana in everyone else's face.

Bones tackled Jim when the blond was in his reach. Both wrestled for some time as the banana fight proceeded without them

"What the hell Bones!" Jim shouted.

"Yes, what the hell Jim! This is a star ship! Not a highschool cafeteria!"

"It was Uhura's fault!" Jim got a fuck-load of banana down his pants for that.

That was the moment Bones noticed Spock, who was sporting a giant banana as a hat and was using regular sized bananas as claws. He was down on all fours and acting like a frikin animal, growling on anyone who got close to a pile of the yellow fruit that he was protecting.

"What the hell did you do to him?"

"I honestly don't know. All Chekov did was smash a banana in his face, then he went batshitters and shit bananas." Jim said.

Chekov, the now 18 Russian, was busy painting every available surface with bananas, colorful bananas. Unfortiunately, the Admirality chose that moment to hail the ship and instantly open the channel. Every crew member froze at the sight of Admiral Pike (who lived in this version). There was a silence so loud, you would be able to hear paper drop.

"Admiral." Spock said emotionlessly next to a frozen McCoy who started at the unexpected close proximity between himself and the Vulcan, who was now wearing a banana suit with banana arms, legs, hands and shoes.

"I don't even want to know." Pike sighed then cut the connetion.

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No Idea where the hell this came from. Yes I am aware of my failed humor. I will probably just take this down soon.

-ARA


End file.
